The dating site, OkCupid, is free (so you know what that means). I thought, I just want a cuddle buddy so, why not? Within the first few hours of making an account I received around seventy messages. Ego stroke is lovely! For about two months, I might have responded to all of four people and nothing really went past trying to find a connection on an entirely impersonal platform. AKA this site proved to be as much of a joke as dating in general. As I was about to delete my account, someone messaged me that seemed really cool. Within a few days, we exchanged numbers and talked incessantly. I am normally not into this much constant communication, especially when he’s basically texting me essay length messages, but I tolerate it. The first time we were supposed to meet, it poured so badly that I simply didn’t want to drive. Then I had to deal with the guilt trip of “what if this is the only time in life we can meet? Will I ever see you? You’re just awesome, I want to see you.” Next time was going to be at a party near Wall St. with some famous people. I was into it for the networking possibilities. #amIwrong?
However, between the almost first date to the second one, he became EXCESSIVE. If I didn’t text “brb” he got angry and we started to disagree and argue about any and everything. If I left my phone for ten minutes, I returned to twenty texts…”hello? Are you there? Why would you leave without your phone?” No fool! I am not here!
I declined the second date and said that he should probably stop trying, I’m not into it. He decided to text me explaining why I should never forget him, we will meet again, I’m a b*tch and I will learn from my mistakes, all he wanted to do was meet and have me fall in love with him, etc. Huh? After I responded with “ok, delete my number please” he replied hours later with something crude and a little disgusting. In a mass text (myself and three other numbers were included in said message) he sent a dirty picture of himself and a message along the lines of, “Don’t ever ask me to do this again! This is your loss and you will learn. I gave this my all and what did you give?”
Why does this happen to me?
Rich Boy Swag
I was working as an apprentice in the city when a 6’7”, olive-skinned, demigod sauntered in asking all sorts of questions that I barely paid attention to. He left his number for the teacher to get back to him, but after what seemed like an eternity (or five minutes) of consideration, I used the number, quite unprofessionally, for myself! Shoot, he looked excellent. We text-flirt for hours and I thought, “Yes! He’s down for the brown and this could be righteous.” I decided to Google him real quick, because I could tell he is/was a model. Not only do I find out that he was a current model, had just graduated from a very prestigious university, but also that he is linked to a very well-known, very wealthy, Founding-Father-of-Industrialism-Type family. Interesting.
He said to meet him when I got off work at 10pm at a little dive bar ten blocks from me. I walked there, a little bit of nerves mixed with excitement. I walked into him and his two roommates drinking beer and watching Monday night football. Great. Unbeknownst to me, this would be a group non-date. We barely spoke, but he stared at me for long periods of time. His best friend from San Diego was the only one that kept me in the conversation, as his other friend was some type of misogynist that basically disregarded my existence. After thirty minutes, he decided he wants to go back home (literally twenty steps away), said we should “keep in touch,” hugged me as fast as possible and RAN up the stairs. I laughed aloud and went home.
Granted these are only a few examples, but they are the only examples I have! What is dating anymore? We are not getting picked up at our homes, doorbells aren’t being rung to wait for US to be ready, phone calls are a rarity, paying for the first or any date is getting to be out of the question, paying general attention to one’s existence might also be asking for too much, and basically anything we ladies have ever learned about dating from our mothers’ and/or aunts’ has gone out the door. Chivalry doesn’t have to be there anymore because of this overbearing feminism movement that has been picking up pace over the past decade. WE can hold our own doors, WE can pull out our own chairs, WE can pay our own bills, WE don’t need you, blah blah blah.
Thank you Beyoncé, Destiny’s Child, Meghan Trainor, and all the rest for mainstreaming that, in fact, we not only don’t need men, but don’t want them either.